Spring Showers Can Bring May Flowers

Posted on May 10, 2017 in General |

I recently had a conversation with someone who told me about the loss of her first grandchild.  The baby was a stillborn.  What really struck me though in the conversation was when she said “You know, I just took everything for granted…the pregnancy, the delivery, the birth…we all just assumed the baby was going to be born and that was that.  Conceiving, delivering, birthing is truly a miracle.”  A miracle.  That got me thinking…

 Those words were good for me to hear as Amy just nears entering the third trimester of carrying our unborn child.  At a time when we tend to think of colors and pattern schemes for nurseries, themes for baby showers, day care providers, to breast feed or not to, we maybe should be thinking of the larger picture of this event: conceiving and giving birth is a miracle not to be taken for granted.  And beyond the miracle, there are levels of complexity that unravel with the birth of any child. 

 My mother-in-law shared with me some of what that complexity might look like prior to Amy giving birth to Anna.  She cautioned me to watch out for Amy and any blue feelings she might after giving birth.  I had heard about women suffering from some form of depression or “blues” following the delivery, but never had any first-hand experience.  When Anna was born back in 2014, I was working for the commuter railroad in Chicago.  Working for the railroad has great perks, but family benefits are not among them.  I took those words to heart though of watching Amy’s mood after the birth and especially when I returned to work after two weeks off.  I began to do some reading on the subject “postpartum depression” and what I read shocked me.  A majority of women experience what is often called the “baby blues”—feelings of sadness and frustration—for about 10 days following childbirth, but these symptoms are typically short-lived.  Symptoms that last longer than two weeks can be a sign of a perinatal mood disorder like postpartum depression and anxiety.  Approximately one in seven women experience some form of  postpartum depression, a medical condition that ranges widely in severity and is marked by persistent feelings of anger, shame, irritability, guilt and an inability to bond with one’s child. The symptoms, often rooted in hormonal or chemical imbalances, can be triggered or compounded by circumstances, including socioeconomic status, prior mental health history and birthing experiences like traumatic delivery, premature birth or trouble breastfeeding. The condition can have a dramatic impact on the well-being of families, increase levels of stress in a marriage and have long-term implications for the health of a child

 

50% of mothers who are diagnosed with postpartum depression have depressive symptoms during pregnancy.  Symptoms are often exacerbated by hormone changes and sleep disturbances.

According to Postpartum Support International, the symptoms of postpartum depression can include:

  • Feelings of anger or irritability
  • Lack of interest in the baby
  • Appetite and sleep disturbance
  • Crying and sadness
  • Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness
  • Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in things you used to enjoy
  • Possible thoughts of harming the baby of yourself
 

RESOURCES:

+ Postpartum.net

+National Coalition of Maternal Mental Health www.NCMMH.org

+The Blue Dot Project: thebluedotproject.org

+Babies on the Brain: www.babiesonthebrain.com

   

I came across a recent story recounting someone’s experience with postpartum depression.  I share it here so you can get a sense of what happens:  For Marissa Nichols, the turning point came one night in 2011 when her husband went out to buy milk. Sitting in their apartment in Santa Clara, Calif., with her then 2-year-old daughter and infant son, she felt profoundly alone and in despair. They were feelings that had been growing since the birth of her second child and were compounded by the fact that the economic crash left her family in difficult financial circumstances. Nichols had recently quit her job to care for her children at the same time that her husband was transitioning from working as a teacher to training to become a police officer, which meant nights and weekends at the police academy.

 

The sole caretaker for much of the day, Nichols began to feel burned out and overwhelmed by daily tasks—trying to breastfeed her infant while also feeding a toddler or doing laundry at the coin-operated laundromat nearby. Her discouragement grew into dislike, which grew into what she describes as a “delirious, desperate hatred.” She constantly felt frenzied and then would “stop, break down, and wake up and do everything again.” She found herself taking out her anger on her husband, and the two fought often. Nichols occasionally texted her sister for support, but the days continued to engulf her.

She longed for her family life to mirror “this glorious covenant between God and his church,” with children as “this great fruit of our love.” Instead, she found herself thinking: No, I don’t want “fruit” anymore. I just want everyone to leave me alone.
“I just couldn’t bring myself to love anyone or anything,” she said. “I had nothing to rely on, and I didn’t see a point in being alive.”
 
Then, that night her husband left to buy milk, something in his departure triggered a reaction in Nichols.  I feel so alone in this,
she thought. She called the nonemergency number for the police and told them she was worried she would hurt herself. She was voluntarily placed in an overnight mental health facility and soon was diagnosed with postpartum depression.

 

American society often expects women to be all things to all people.  Marissa’s story is one of countless of what postpartum depression can do to someone.  We can all too easily overlook and forget the incredible burden that is placed upon a pregnant woman and the load she is asked to bare.  And then when the baby is born, mothers are supposed to change every diaper with a happy face and get up for that 2:00am feeding with a big smile.  There are unfair expectations put upon mothers and as a result we can miss the warning signs that they might be trying to share with us. 
 
A recent study found that faith communities—especially those in which there are “people who are willing to help and pastors who are willing to listen”—have helped to alleviate postpartum depression symptoms in women. Experts have suggested greater collaboration between churches and formal service providers could increase the number of women willing to seek treatment.  An informal poll of 116 women who had experienced perinatal mood disorders found that 84 percent stated they had not felt supported by their faith communities during their depression.  Despite increasing awareness of the condition, only about 20 percent of women who exhibit symptoms seek help for postpartum depression. This can be attributed, in part, to a lack of understanding of the symptoms, inadequate screening and fear of being stigmatized. Faith communities can serve as a missing link between women and mental health services. It is crucial, however, that faith communities seek out struggling mothers, as studies have shown that women who were experiencing depression were less likely to attend religious services. At a time when women might be most in need of a supportive faith community, they often are less likely to be a part of one.
 
Did you know that approximately 46 percent of women do not return to the workplace after childbirth?  For some this is a deliberate choice; others have no choice but to leave after facing the cost of child care, inflexible work schedules, the wage gap, lack of maternity leave or discrimination.  I think of our own community and church family where there seems to be an abundance of babies being born recently.  We’ve also unfortunately been saddened by the news of stillborns reminding us nothing should be taken for granted. 

All is miracle.  I don’t think we could ever do enough to lift up women who bare so much (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc) during pregnancy, childbirth and raising our children.  Let’s together keep an eye out for them.  Let’s hold them in prayer.  Let’s LISTEN to them and LOOK for warning signs of any depression.  Let’s share the load with them not only on Mother’s Day, but every day.  When we work together and lift each other up, the showers of pain and depression can turn into beautiful flowers.  Let’s give our moms more than odes and poems…let’s give them our attention, understanding, compassion and love.   

 ~P.J.

 

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