Pastor Jim’s Blog: What We have Seen and Hearne


God is speaking, are you listening?

At a Sunday worship at the end of summer I answered 5 questions that Amy and some others thought would be interesting to hear my response.  I did not know the questions ahead of time.  I was only given 1 minute to respond to each question.  To refresh your memory, the questions were:
Why does God allow trials and suffering in our lives? 
How do I deal with people in my life who have hurt me?
How do I know if I am hearing God’s voice in my life? What one book other than the Bible has most influenced your life?
What are things parents can do to instill in their children a love for Jesus? [Sept blog post]
Last month I responded to the question about instilling a love for Jesus in our children.  This month I want to dwell with you about how we know if we are hearing God’s voice in our life.
Summer has departed us and the leaves of fall are beginning to flash their brilliant colors. Some people spend too much of their time living only in the future or get stuck living in the past. The past and future are critical and are bridged by the present moment. However, living solely in the past or future may rob us of the beauty of the present time. Our lives focused solely in the past may be likened to driving a car with eyes glued on the rear view mirror. The mirror is important, but our eyes fixed only upon the rearview mirror (with the car in drive) will cause a quick accident. The following reflection beautifully connects God with the past and future moments of our lives.  

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.

Suddenly God was speaking.

“My name is I am.”

I waited. God continued,

“When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there.

My name is not ‘I was.’

When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there.

My name is not ‘I will be.’

When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here.

My name is ‘I am.’


You may be wondering why I am citing this beautiful poem to talk about hearing God’s voice.  I suspect many of us don’t even know if we are hearing God’s voice because we have so many ‘voices’ seeking our attention.  Whether it’s work, family, school…we all have those things and people competing for our attention and time.  We seek out Google to answer daunting questions of life rather than sit and ask God.  It’s the pace of the world- how fast, how high, how much, how efficient can we be when it comes to living our life.  Many of us are stuck in the past while some of us are already in gear for tomorrow. But what about now?  What about today?  God is about this place here, in all its thisness, and placiness, and about the intimate and immediately Holy One who, at no distance from us at all, moves mysteriously to make creation true both to itself and to him.  God is about now…God’s voice is now.  And that voice wants to wrestle with us…remember the story of Jacob classic Old Testament story?

From Genesis 32 1-2 And Jacob went his way. Angels of God met him. When Jacob saw them he said, “Oh! God’s Camp!” And he named the place Mahanaim (Campground). 22-23 But during the night he got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants, and his eleven children and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He got them safely across the brook along with all his possessions. 24-25 But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn’t get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob’s hip out of joint.
26 The man said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.” Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.” 27 The man said, “What’s your name?” He answered, “Jacob.” 28 The man said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God and you’ve come through.” 29 Jacob asked, “And what’s your name?” The man said, “Why do you want to know my name?” And then, right then and there, he blessed him. 30 Jacob named the place Peniel (God’s Face) because, he said, “I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!” 31-32 The sun came up as he left Peniel, limping because of his hip. (This is why Israelites to this day don’t eat the hip muscle; because Jacob’s hip was thrown out of joint.)  
Jacob “wrestled” with God.  Whatever happened at that campsite, it was intense, personal, perplexing, inspiring, life-changing and full of blessing.  I love the image of wrestling with God.  Jacob had this dramatic moment of divine prayer and conversation that lasted all night until daybreak.  What happens at daybreak?  The sun rises.  In our faith, we believe in the resurrection or the SON RISING after the darkness of night.  How do we know we are hearing God’s voice in our life?  Is it something we wrestle with?  Is it something that keeps us awake?  Where is the cross— because the voice of God always is accompanied by the cross.  That doesn’t necessarily mean it will be painful, but it will change us.  The voice of God asks, invites, challenges and demands that we die to ourselves- that we let something go in order to take on something new.  God’s voice is calming, reassuring, loving…God’s voice is truth itself.     
I never wrestled on a team, but I’ve wrestled with God.
Back when I was a priest I met a young woman who took my breath away.  She had the beauty of an angel and a soul like a dove.  Amy captured my heart and imagination.  But I loved being a priest and serving God in that capacity.  I fell in love with Amy.  I had to grapple with these feelings and answer some pretty difficult questions.  There were many “voices” in my head…my family, Amy’s, my spiritual director, my pastor, the Cardinal- ArchBishop in Chicago, and my own.  Which one do I listen to?  Which one do I trust is guiding me in the right path? 

And there was another voice in my heart…God’s voice was always there not judging or pushing but rather shepherding and holding me.  I had to quiet myself down.  We often think of prayer has us talking with God.  And that’s partly true.  But the most important aspect of prayer is quieting ourselves down and listening to the voice of God.  And I did.  I opened my bible.  I lit candles.  I got quiet.  I went for walks.  I sat in a darkened church.  I was never alone, though.  God’s voice was always with me.  It took time to prayerfully consider how God was moving and acting in all of these feelings I was having.  I was wrestling with the God I had been faithfully serving as a priest for some 6 years at that point.  Why me?  Why this?  Why now?  Didn’t God want me to be a priest?  Had I gotten that wrong?  Were these just romantic feelings I was having for Amy?  Was I lonely?  What would this mean for me?  For her?  If I wasn’t a priest, what would I do?  These were all the questions I wrestled the great “I Am” about. 

The voices of this world lead us down the most convenient easy painless path.  Society tries to sell us on just that- take this pill and lose all the weight…put this cream on and lose the wrinkles…invest this amount of money and get oodles back instantly.  God’s voice doesn’t work that way.  God takes us down the path most wouldn’t freely choose and not because God thinks less of us.  No, God takes us down His path precisely because He loves us.  God’s voice and presence ultimately led me to leave the priesthood, marry Amy, have a family and then surprisingly call me to minister in an ELCA congregation.  That was not quite the road map I had envisioned for myself back in 2005 when I was ordained.  But God had a better way for me.  And God’s voice gently guided me to make the course changes in my life.  Like Jacob, I came out changed and different from the experience of wrestling with God.   
Here’s a couple of steps or tips I have found useful in listening to God’s voice in our lives:
1.Check your receiver.  Do you expect to hear from God?  You should.  But what happens if your receiver- soul, heart, ears, eyes- is not turned on?  It’s like the guy who prays and prays to win the lottery. He never wins. He yells at God.  God says you need to buy a lotto ticket and give me a chance!  Turn your receiver on.  God talks to us everyday but if we aren’t expecting it, we will never hear it.  
2. Find God’s frequency. I think we often expect some big grand voice from the sky telling us what to do like in the case of Moses. God works in the simple, ordinary moments.  Put down the phone, lessen the screen time, talk to your spouse, play with your kids, take a walk.  My AM/FM alarm clock works great when I have the frequency set just exactly right, but when the dial gets turned I hear the static and multiple voices.  Cut out the static in your life.


3.Discern or wrestle with God’s voice. Most of us have caller id so we know who’s calling us before we even pick up the phone. But before the days of caller id I suspect most of us were able to tell in the first few seconds who was calling us by the sound of their voice. We only know God’s voice when we spend time with God.  Take time with God each day.  A moment here.  A deep breath there.  It’s not that hard.  Take a walk.  The more time you spend with God the more comfortable you will be knowing that voice in your life. 
4. Connect God’s Voice to God’s Word. This might be the surest way of knowing God’s voice in our life. Is the voice we hear in line with Word we read in the Bible?  God’s voice wants to bring blessing, joy and true happiness into our lives.  God’s Word and Voice by its nature cannot lie.  Dwelling in the Word can only help us better tune into God’s voice in our lives.  Find a bible story or verse and read it several times over.  What is God’s Voice saying to you?

The best part of hearing God’s voice is eliminating all the counterfeit voices vying for our attention.  Live in the moment and hear God’s voice.  You will find and know joy.  Go be a God-Wrestler!  Jacob’s hip was thrown out of its place because of his wrestling with God.  Like Jacob, you too will be left with an unforgettable and deep impression made by God’s voice on your life.  When you check your receiver, tune into the frequency, wrestle with God’s voice and connect it to the Word, you will experience a life-changing event.  And it will be more than just an event; it will become a lifestyle for you.  Sheep know the voice of their shepherd.  Let’s tune into the voice of our Shepherd.  The voices of this world come and go…the voice of the great “I Am” stays with us forever.  And hey, like me, you might just be surprised what God has in store for you!   


Parenting and Faith

At a recent Sunday worship I answered 5 questions that Amy and some others thought would be interesting to hear my response.  I did not know the questions ahead of time.  I was only given 1 minute to respond to each question.  To refresh your memory, the questions were:  

Why does God allow trials and suffering in our lives? 

Peter’s Baptism: September 2017

How do I deal with people in my life who have hurt me?
How do I know if I am hearing God’s voice in my life?
What one book other than the Bible has most influenced your life?
What are things parents can do to instill in their children a love for Jesus?
I thought I would take the opportunity to use this blog to give a more in-depth response to these questions.  They were very good questions and I know each of us has grappled with them in our own way.  This month let me respond to the question about what parents can do to instill in their children a love for Jesus.  
I’m going to start by referring back to a moment early on in our parenthood when we brought our children to the church for baptism.  There is a question that the Pastor/Priest/Minister asks us on that special day: As you present (name of child) for baptism, our Lord Jesus entrusts you with gifts and responsibilities: to live with him/her among God’s faithful people, bring him/her to the word of God and the holy supper, and nurture him/her in faith and prayer, so that he/she may learn to trust God, proclaim Christ through word and deed, care for others and the world God made, and work for justice and peace among all people.  Parents, do you promise to help your child grow in the Christian faith and life?  The answer is “We do.”  As a Pastor and now Parent of two, I often wonder if parents really know what they are getting themselves into when they make that response.  My sense is parents hear or perceive that question as something like this: “Will you sometimes bring your kid(s) to church at least through confirmation and then let them go do as they please?”  My gosh have we gotten it so wrong!  We promise to do much more…we promise to share our faith and love for God with them, to bring them to worship, to teach them about what is right and just, to live in peace with others and to grow into a mature disciple of Christ.  We promise to teach them to pray, and to read the Bible with them and to then to actually pray with them!  We are promising to be good stewards of this most precious gift God has given us.   
So really the question of how we instill a love for Jesus in our children begins with us as parents.  Do we (you and I) have a love for Jesus?  Do we have a prayer life?  Do our children see us praying or talking with God (not cursing God when we stub our toes) but actually talking and listening to God?  Do we bring our kids to worship?  Do we teach them to live their faith in their words and deeds everyday every moment?  Are we a good example of discipleship to them?  Anna and Peter are like little sponges soaking in everything Amy and I do and say.  They see us fold hands at prayer and they do likewise.  They hear us speak about Jesus and so they do likewise in their own way.  They come to worship and hear God’s Word and see our family of faith come together.  They know they are part of something bigger than themselves.   
I see parents running their kids around from here to there for basketball, football, soccer, dance, (insert any extracurricular activity here).  We spend tons of money on traveling sports teams, staying at hotels for tournaments, equipment, outfits, etc.  We sacrifice time at home for time on the road sitting in bleachers and stands watching our kids play game after game after game.  Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not railing against sports.  I played sports.  Being part of a team teaches one good discipline, teamwork, hard-work and sportsmanship.  But I think we’ve lost some balance and perspective as parents.  Often faith formation, worship and prayer fall by the wayside for sports or other activities.  Do we really need Sunday morning games?  Remember to keep holy the Sabbath…is 1 hour of time on Sunday morning that difficult for us to manage?  
Our children and grandchildren take their cues from US.  If our relationship with God is important, they will notice that.  For me growing up the question was never “are we going to church?”  No, it was “when are we going to church?”  Many of our children get confirmed and stop coming or participating in church activities.  Why?  Actually the answer is pretty simple if you think about it.  If we ourselves don’t value and emphasize a love for Jesus in our lives, then our children won’t either.  I can teach and preach until I’m blue in the face but unless God, faith and prayer is not part of the home environment, I’m going to lose that battle every time.  Statistics tell us that if children aren’t regularly coming to church (any denomination) by the age of 3, they won’t really ever foster a relationship with God.  The age of 3!!!  I get it…bringing kids to church is a challenge.  But it’s not impossible.  We make it work for other things…make it work for the most important thing we will do as parents.   
I came up with a few practical ways to bring Jesus into your child’s daily routine:  
1)PRAY with your kids before naps, meals and at night.  The more we do it, the more it will become second nature for our children.  We want our kids to know how important and personal talking to God is in daily life.  We pray together at meals, all holding hands as a family. Even when we are eating at a restaurant we pray together.  It’s one of my favorite things we do as a family.  It’s not long, but it’s part of our routine now.  We ask Anna at nighttime “who should we pray for” and she lists all of our family members, church friends, school friends and others.  Amy and I then offer prayers.  You can learn a lot about what is going on in your child’s life when you pray with them We have pictures in our home of Amy’s folks and my parents.  We regularly talk about them and in particular about how my mom and dad are in heaven and that Anna and Peter have angels watching over them.  We pray for Anna’s teachers in school and her classmates.  We pray for those who have gotten sick or experienced a loss or tragedy in their lives.  Prayer changes our hearts.  It will change your kid’s hearts, too.   
2) SHOW them how to serve.  We have taken Anna and Peter the Community Clothes Closet in Mount Horeb and explained why it is there.  We have brought food up to the food pantry at church and talked about how we can take care of so many people right here in town. Put your faith into action.  Take your child and help a neighbor.  Do random acts of kindness so that your child can see you living out your faith daily.  Actions speak louder than words.  Give a kid a fish and they eat for day; teach a kid how to fish and they eat for a lifetime.  
3)READ the Bible to your kids. We have a children’s Bible with some great pictures and shorter versions of the most well-known stories from Scripture.  Anna loves the story of David and Goliath right now.  We sing “Jesus Loves Me” to Peter at bedtime and he gets the biggest smile on his face.  The Bible points us towards Jesus.  And its fascinating to hear Anna’s thoughts and questions about these stories many of us have taken for granted.  Let me add here it’s good to read the Bible yourself as a parent.  Read it with your spouse or alone for a few minutes each day so that the word of God is on your heart and lips. 
4)TELL them how God feels about them. 
We try and tell our kids God loves them every single day.  Before bedtime we tell them that Jesus loves most of all.  We will play CD’s in the car with those favorite childhood tunes from church.  Our kids need to know they are loved especially in those times and moments when they feel lonely or sad.  They need to know God loves them inside and out just as they are.  There are great kid’s praise stations on Pandora or you can find some great worship music for kids on Amazon.  Let those tunes and words truly sink in deep down in their souls and hearts.  Our kids need to know everyday they are loved and cherished.  We need to know that, too, for ourselves. 

5)BRING your kids to worship to hear about Jesus. 

Make it a routine or ritual on Sunday mornings…have breakfast and then come to worship or eat a special meal after worship.  Recapture Sunday mornings as a time to pray and worship together.  They get to see, hear, taste, touch and smell the sights and sounds of our worship.  Use the “Taking Faith Home” insert in the bulletin as something you do at home in your prayers and rituals.  Each week there are great suggestions offered for families. 

Anna’s Baptism: November 2014

We made the promise at baptism.  We need to remember that promise everyday.  Our children really are not ours.  We are stewards of these precious gifts God has given us to care for, raise and love to give back to Him one day.  Our sons and daughters belong to God.  Have we seriously considered that God will ask us how we cared for his creation including his children?  We will be asked when the time comes.  Start today if you haven’t done so.  Start simple and small.  Reignite your own faith so your kids see your love for Jesus.  Incorporate your faith in to your daily life and that of your children.  We all want well-rounded, well-formed, good-hearted, faith-filled, loving children who will make a difference in this world.  It starts with us and that profound promise we made on the day of their baptism.  Be the parents we were meant to be.  Put faith first in your home.  Talk up God.  Bring your kids to church.  As the fall church seasons kicks off, use this time as an opportunity to rekindle a love for Jesus in your home.  Be a person of joy who infects your kids with that same joy!     

Daddy, I’m so happy you are home!

Anna and I at her 2nd birthday party!

Later this month Anna turns 4.  It almost seems like she’s turning 14 the way she prances about the house!  I just love those moments of connecting with her and Peter…Anna is a fun lively super-hero little girl who loves life and Peter is getting more brave trying to walk around using toys to brace himself!  With Anna, I love just connecting with her when she’s not watching a cartoon or movie or looking at a video on the phone.  I cherish these moments, these precious moments, when we connect.  It’s Anna, believe it or not, that taught me this…just for me to be her daddy…“Daddy, I’m so happy you are home.”  Without a doubt, these are the happiest words I love to hear from Anna.  If I’ve been at church, out doing visits or most recently been away with our youth group in Houston, Anna will whisper and shout those simple words in my ears when I finally arrive back home.  The words tug at my heartstrings. 
At Anna’s 2nd birthday party I did what most fathers do…I surprised Anna (and Amy) by renting an “Elmo” costume and showing up to the party as Anna’s favorite character at that time.  I tried to mimic the voice to Elmo as close as possible!  Anna was mesmerized and just followed me around…she loved it!  Since it was so hot in the costume I would run in the house and take it off for a while to cool down!  And then return to Anna and the party as her favorite character in costume!  Amy brought out a special cupcake for Anna with a candle on it and said to Anna: Go ahead Anna and wish for anything you want…anything at all.  Make the wish and blow out the candle.  As folks were enjoying cupcakes and other dessert treats, I remember Anna running up to me and saying: I wished that Elmo could come home and play with me and you, Daddy! My heart melted on Anna’s 2nd birthday- with all my imperfections, my daughter wanted to be with me, and hang out with Elmo. 
Anna taught me that day and continues to do so as we near her 4th birthday.  Anna reminded me that our deepest desire is simply to be loved and spend time with those we love.  Why then are there so many days when we become confused and think that we deeply desire something else?  We wish for more money or a better car.  We long for a bigger house or a better paying job.  We wish for a great big boat, summer cottage or a fancy new motorcycle.  We fool ourselves into thinking that these things will bring us peace and happiness.  Yet what we end up discovering is something that even a two year old child know to be true- that real peace is simply spending time with those we love- being with another who loves us as we are.  And this is the key- to love others as they are- even if they are throwing tantrums or screaming NO to coming and eating dinner! The great Fred Rogers once said: Love isn’t a state of perfect caring.  It is an active noun like ‘struggle.’ To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. 

If you look closely you can see me through the Elmo face mask! Just don’t tell Anna!


Every day we have the choice to throw ourselves into a thousand activities and distractions, play and work, travels and preparations, or we can find the time to simply BE with those we love as they are right now. We have the choice to lose ourselves in all stuff that we accumulate and all the things that we can buy, or we can begin to see that our real wealth is found in those we love – and love them as they are right now. We have the choice to get caught up with the details of life and the busy-ness of life, or we can center on our deepest desire – to love others as they are right now! Loving means being fully present to others wherever they are in their development, even if they are teenagers and needing space. We need to be open to the moments, the little moments of connecting. It means cherishing and remembering and embracing those grace-filled moments. Loving means desiring the right things, and longing for the enduring things, and wishing for the eternal things.  When I pray with someone on their death bed, not one person has ever said they wish they would have more time with all their stuff, work, phones, sports…it ALWAYS is about having more time with their loved ones.

The next time I’m overwhelmed by the details of life, or exasperated with work as pastor, or frustrated with two young children seemingly getting sick all the time or rarely ever sleeping through the entire night at the same time, I hope I recall Anna’s sweet young voice whispering in my ear: Daddy, I’m so happy you are home!  My deepest desire is to be with those I love and to try and love them as they are right now. In doing that I will find more moments to cherish and so many more memories to embrace. And who knows? Maybe that little girl will always be inside of Anna through the tween and teen years and beyond. I’d like to at least think that.


It Could Be You…

I didn’t see it.  None of us did.  Or maybe none of us wanted to see it.  But before I get to that part of the story, let me go back to the beginning.  As a little girl growing up the only thing Margie ever wanted to do was to be a mom.  She constantly played with her dolls pretending as if they were her own little children caring for them and tending to their needs.  She would pray to God that she could be a mom one day.  When Margie’s folks had more children she was thrilled beyond all belief at the prospect of taking care of real live babies!  She was ecstatic about being a sister which only fueled her desire to be a mom. 

Margie would date several guys through the years but finally met and fell in love with Fran.  He had grown up in the same town- they shared many of the same friends and hung out at the same places.  In fact Fran as a little boy played baseball with Margie’s two brothers.  Fran and Margie dated for many years and finally decided to get married in 1995.  It was a joyful occasion.  

I wish I would have known.  I could have done something.  Someone could have done something.  Why didn’t she say anything? No one deserves that.  No one.  I wonder how many others experience the same thing?

My sister Margie got her one true wish of being a mommy.  She gave birth to Colette in 1996.  Then came Claire in 1999.  Erica in 2001.  Nora in 2002.  Finally Grace in 2004.  Not one but 5 girls to fill her heart and plate of motherhood!  After Colette was born Margie and Fran would move to a bigger house to settle down and build their dream of family life and happily ever after.  But the happily ever after never came like she thought it would. 

Why didn’t I sense what was going on?  Was I blinded?  Was I in disbelief?  And what about others in my family?  Were they blind to it, tooWas she blind to it?

At first it seemed innocent, harmless and believable.  Our family would gather for a birthday or some other holiday/celebration and Margie would come with the girls while Fran wouldn’t be with them.  “Where’s Fran,” I remember asking.  “Oh he’s home resting…he had a late night.”  Late night out with friends?  Late night doing working?  Late night not being able to sleep?  Well these instances of Fran being “out late” soon turned into a regular repeating performance.  We knew he liked to drink.  On family vacations at the lake he could put away several cold ones with the best of them.  I knew he liked his drink.  I didn’t realize he loved it…or better yet was addicted to it. 

Let me stop for a moment.  I suppose you think you know where this story is going.  Fran was a drinker and chose alcohol over his wife and family, right?  Well, you’re only partly right.  Not only was Fran a drinker, but over time and really after-the-fact did we come to find out he liked to smoke marijuana in the garage and get high.  So, he like booze and drugs.  And yet this still is not the end of the story.  Fran would abuse Margie and the girls.  And that is the part of the story still to this day that makes me cringe, hurt and cry.  My family didn’t see it.  I didn’t see it.  Partly I think because we couldn’t see it and also because Margie hid it from us while it was occurring. 

Margie loved her girls so much she ended up making excuses for Fran.  She covered for his late-night partying, his drinking, his smoking and yes even his abuse towards her and the girls.  In the beginning she’d call his bosses and cover for him at work.  “He was just having a bad day,” she would say.  “The girls got on his nerve so he raised his voice and threw things across the room.  Who doesn’t lose their cool,” she would slyly offer us. 

Did you know, on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States?  During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.  1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.  On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.  Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.  And only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries.  1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.  These statistics and numbers are sobering.  They make me cry.  I cry at the fact that Fran pushed Margie into walls, smashed the oven door, put holes in walls with his fists and at times did so in front of the girls.  I cry because he verbally abused the girls for no reason other for the fact that he could.  I cry because those girls saw something so horrendous in their own home and I know as much as we love and support them the after-effects of his abuse of them is deep in their bones and psyche.

Why does any of this matter? Intimate partner physical abuse is not bound by age, socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion or nationality; it exists in ALL communities. Contrary to popular belief, physical abuse is not simply a maladjusted person’s occasional expression of frustration or anger, nor is it typically an isolated incident. Physical abuse is a tool of control and oppression and is a choice made by one person in a relationship to control another.  Statistics tell us that it happens right here in our own community among people we call neighbors and friends. 

Realizing this fact of life the women’s washroom here at BLC has information from Family Advocates, Inc. with a number for a 24 hour help line.  It is a sad reality for me as a pastor that on any given Sunday there are people at worship who have been abused- physically, verbally, sexually, or emotionally either in the past or as recently as that morning. 

Back to Margie’s story for a moment.  Fran would go on to intimidate me at the parish I was assigned to threatening to call the Bishop on me for telling my sister to leave him.  Sadly there are some pastors who will tell someone who has been abused that they must remain in the marriage or relationship.  I am not one of them.  Fran would try to intimidate our almost 78-year-old (at the time) dad knocking on his front door and telling him to watch his back.  Margie for the sake of her girls finally made a stand.  She called the Sheriff’s Office several times having him arrested, getting a restraining order and eventually forcing him to move out of the house.  She was afraid of retaliation but she was more fearful about the prospect of doing nothing.  She divorced him.  She never received any alimony from Fran towards the girls.  She’s worked her tail off to raise those 5 beautiful girls.  She’s there for them thick and thin.  Fran has not communicated with his girls at all since leaving the house.  Ever.  Margie and the girls experienced their own Good Friday- unjust and undue abuse and punishment- but today have risen to be something new together. 


It happens.  It happens EVERYWHERE.  It happened right in my own family and I couldn’t see it.   Nearly half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Females ages 18 to 24 and 25 to 34 generally experienced the highest rates of intimate partner violence.  From 1994 to 2010, about 4 in 5 victims of intimate partner violence were female. In a nationwide survey, 9.4% of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months prior to the survey. 


Again, the stats are sobering…it’s happening all around us.  And when someone is abused at a young age experts tell us they have strong tendencies to physically or verbally abuse when they are older or experience some type of depression or suicidal thoughts.  Yet there is help.  There are ways to save yourself and your children.  If someone is abusing you, you might feel scared, hurt, sad, confused, angry, embarrassed, or hopeless.  Many people have feelings like these when they are being abused or after leaving an abusive relationship.  My sister had some of these feelings have we’ve come to understand in the years since it all happened.  Help is always available.  Talk with someone you trust or call your local domestic/sexual abuse hotline and talk with someone without having to give your name or location. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-799-7233.  Our local branch here in Wisconsin is also a resource.  The number us (608)-255-0539 and the website is  Sadly, most abusers track the moves of those under their control.  All of these websites have safety exits on them and will not show up in your internet browsing history. 


You may also want to consider a SAFETY PLAN for yourself or your family.  A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action and more.  The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) does safety plans with victims, friends and family members — anyone who is concerned about their own safety or the safety of someone else.  A good safety plan will have all of the vital information you need and be tailored to your unique situation, and will help walk you through different scenarios.  Although some of the things that you outline in your safety plan may seem obvious, it’s important to remember that in moments of crisis your brain doesn’t function the same way as when you are calm. When adrenaline is pumping through your veins it can be hard to think clearly or make logical decisions about your safety. Having a safety plan laid out in advance can help you to protect yourself in those stressful moments.

Violence can escalate when someone tries to leave.  The following are some tips to keep in mind before you leave a violent abusive situation:

  • Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures of injuries.
  • Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible. Keep your journal in a safe place.
  • Know where you can go to get help. Tell someone what is happening to you.
  • If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit.
  • Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
  • Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.

I share this information with you because NO ONE should ever ever ever experience abuse of any kind. 

Margie and her five precious jewels! Pictured are: (from left to right) Erica, Margie, Nora, Colette, Claire and Grace

To her credit, Margie has never spoken ill of Fran in front of her girls.  For me, that’s my sister living out what we call grace upon grace upon grace.  She survived.  Many don’t.  You can survive.  Maybe you’re not the one in an abusive situation but you might know someone who may be.  BELIEVE their story.  LISTEN to them.  HELP them.  Let’s be lifelines to those around us who may be sending SOS signals our way. 

There are so many resources available to those who may find themselves in abusive situations.  One I highly encourage is  Maybe we just need to better educate ourselves on the reality of what is happening…and what could be happening right in our own community, neighborhood, family or home.  Maybe we can help be resources to others who might be too frightened or ashamed to ask for help.  Let’s be a light for them.  God hurts when we hurt each other. 

I love my beautiful sister Margie and my five incredible nieces.  They have seen, heard, felt and experienced things no one should ever have to in this world.  Luckily for them the sun has risen and they have forged ahead as best they can.  For all the Margie’s, Colette’s, Claire’s, Erica’s, Nora’s and Grace’s out there, please let’s be the voice for those victims and survivors.  Let’s create a culture where domestic violence is not tolerated and where society empowers victims and survivors, and holds abusers accountable.  Let’s be Christ’s Light in this world.  Amen. 



Where is God’s Perfection?


What are we looking for in life? What are we finding? During these cold weeks of winter, it is easy to grow impatient and critical as we anxiously await the arrival of spring. Yet, each day is a profound gift from God and a new beginning. Do you find joy in life? Do you bring joy to others?  I hope the following story captures for you how the presence of God is made visible through us no matter the time of year.


In Brooklyn, New York, Shush is a school that caters to learning disabled children. Some children remain in Shush for their entire school career, while others can be mainstreamed into conventional schools. At a Shush fundraising dinner, the father of a Shush child delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attend.


After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he cried out, “Where is the perfection in my son Shaya?” Everything God does is done with perfection. But my child cannot understand things as other children do. My child cannot remember facts and figures as other children do. Where is God’s perfection? The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father’s anguish and stilled by the piercing query. “I believe,” the father answered, “that when God brings a child like this into the world, the perfection that he seeks is the way people react to this child.”


He then told the following story about his son Shaya: One afternoon Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys Shaya knew were playing baseball. Shaya asked, “Do you think they will let me play?” Shaya’s father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys would not want him on their team. But Shaya’s father understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a comfortable sense of belonging.
Shaya’s father approached one of the boys in the field and asked if Shaya could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, “We are losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning.” Shaya’s father was ecstatic as Shaya smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play short center field. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shaya’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shaya’s team scored again and now with two outs and the bases loaded with the potential winning run on base, Shaya was scheduled to be up.

Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, let alone hit with it. However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shaya should least be able to make contact. The first pitch came in and Shaya swung and missed. One of Shaya’s teammates came up to Shaya and together held the bat and faced the pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shaya.


As the pitch came in, Shaya and his teammate swung at the bat and together they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, “Shaya, run to first. Run to first.” Never in his life has Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shaya, who was still running. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher’s intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman’s head. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second.” Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home.


As Shaya reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, “Run to third.” As Shaya rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, “Shaya, run home.” Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him a hero, as he just hit a “Grand Slam” and won the game for his team.


That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “those 18 boys reached their level of God’s perfection.”  More than just a cute story, I think this is what we are called as disciples to be everyday: rooting for one another everyday, making our dreams possible and realizing we are all connected together through the incredible act of God’s creation. 


Our Lenten journey is near upon us.  Our theme or focus will be: Woven Together: Fabrics of Faith.  Maybe this powerful season which begins Wednesday, February 14th and extends until Maundy Thursday on March 29th is a time given to us to help us reflect that God’s perfection in this world is attainable and reachable by ALL OF US if we but lean on each other and lift one another up.  The question of Shaya “Do you think they will let me play” reminds me of the response I am called to by God in this world to others.  Do I help enable God’s perfection or prevent it from happening?  How will this Lent challenge you to consider that we truly do need each other and that we can reflect God’s goodness and perfection in our response to one another?


There is no better place to know, see, hear and feel God’s perfection than when we are together in worship.  Recommit yourself to coming to the place where we lift each other and reflect the perfection of God.  For a brief moment when we worship together, we do really reflect all that is good and holy.  Like the boys who welcomed Shaya to the baseball game and enabled him to know perfection, we too are invited to give and receive this colorful display of God’s love.  Come.  Come back.  Sunday mornings at 9:00am something special happens that we all need in our lives.  And during Lent we will offer a simple worship on Wednesdays at 6:15pm following our soup suppers.  So come.  And then come back.  Lastly, think about ONE person in your life who desperately needs to know God’s perfection and then do something about it. 


Let’s reach our level of God’s perfection together,




A New Year, A Fresh Start

Just recently while organizing some things in my office I came across a book of poetry.  There was a note inside of it saying that the book was a gift from the Bishop of South Central Synod of Wisconsin. I suspect the Bishop sent it to all our synod pastors. It is a wonderful reflection on ministry by a Lutheran Pastor Gary Puckett entitled On Living in the Township of Heaven. Well written, often touching, sometimes profound, Gary writes about the ‘holy’ moments of life, the kingdom of God that can be found within the ordinary. As we begin this new year, that is our journey as well.

New Year

Put new calendars on the walls

Misdate the checks that pay the bills

Resolve to be more resolute

It’s a new year

It’s a fresh start


Farm out the kids

Shake out the rugs

Take out the trash

It’s a clean house


It’s a fresh start

Dig out the sidewalk

Fill up the birdfeeder

Watch for fresh tracks in the yard

It’s a new snow

It’s a fresh start


Shed an old grudge

Make a new friend

Do something everyone knows you won’t

It’s a new life

It’s a fresh start.

I think Gary touches eloquently on the holiness of the New Year and its connection to the reign of God, or rather, the township of heaven. It’s all about new beginnings. The ministry of Jesus was primarily a ministry of newness, of granting newness and new starts to people broken by their pasts. People followed Jesus because in him they discovered a God who forgave sins, and absolved weaknesses, and offered those who followed, a new life and a fresh start. Those who followed Jesus discovered that in the township of heaven every moment of every day, every step and every breath was a chance to begin again, to turn away 
from sin and to start over. And it was in this newness that they found their joy!


I think it was providence that led me to find that book of poetry and read through it.  Recently I was telling Amy that a part of me died when my dad passed away almost a year ago now.  I don’t quite know which part of me died but I also realize something new in me is growing and coming to life.  That’s the Good News of resurrection and the gospel.  Each day is a new start, a chance to begin again and see things with new eyes and a different perspective. It truly is a fresh start.

Every January as we celebrate the New Year, there is an echo of the reign of God. And, if we listen well, we will discover that echo in all of the ordinary moments that make up our lives. If we listen well, that echo will be found in even the most broken, destructive and difficult times of this new year. If we listen well, we will discover that we are living in the township of heaven, that God is walking with us and beside us, always encouraging us to forgive ourselves and others; to turn away from sin and believe in the Good News; to stand up and walk; to live a new life; to make a fresh start.  This is truly Good News!  For all of us here at BLC and for all Christians, every day carries the promise of New Year’s Day. Remember this when you become overwhelmed by the darkness of the world.  Remember this when you are disappointed by your life, your children, your spouse or your situation.  Remember this when death is at your doorstep and darkness threatens to overwhelm you.  Remember this, in the township of heaven God is always inviting us to start again!  


I invite you to cut out the poem and place it somewhere you will be reminded daily of the invitation that each day is a NEW YEAR and FRESH START!

Happy New Year, dear BLC friends and friends,



Stop and See Those Around You

Professional speaker Jim Cathcart often shares a certain story about how our lives impact those around us. One day, during a layover at the Atlanta International Airport, Jim found time for a snack in the food court. All the tables were filled and several passengers, himself included, stood in any available space to eat.

Then Jim noticed a busboy working his way through the crowd. His shoulders were curled forward and he kept his head down. He moved through the crowd from table to table barely making eye contact with anyone as he cleared away the dirty dishes. Well the sight of this overworked and anxious young man filled Jim with an overwhelming sadness. For someone this young to be so burdened by the weight of work didn’t seem right. He knew that there was something he could do or say to reach out to this young person.
When Jim finished his food and disposed of the trash, he approached the busboy. “What you are doing here sure is important,” he said. “Huh?” the busboy replied. “If you weren’t doing what you are doing, it wouldn’t be five minutes before there was trash everywhere, and people would stop coming here,” Jim said. “What you are doing is important, and I just wanted to say thanks for doing it.”
The busboy began to smile. His posture became more erect and he began to make eye contact with those around him.

A few choice words had served as a reminder that he was worth much more than he realized.

I think that this is a wonderful story to recall as we come to this fall season. We have begun yet another new year of Holy Moly, Bridge, Confirmation and CHAOS.  We will also see Women’s Bible Study begin while ministry meetings and social gatherings like Lutefisk are making this a bustling place!  As exciting as autumn is, it also brings with it a certain “frantic-ness.”  So often people become dismayed by the passing of the summer months and wonder where all the time has gone. They get discouraged by the amount of activities and so often feel like that busboy in the story. They end up walking through their days with shoulders curled forward, barely making eye contact with the world around them. Yet right here in the “frantic-ness” is our chance to share the Good News.  Like Jesus who was always able to remind people of their infinite worth, so we too can become bearers of healing.  It doesn’t take a great effort to pass on a compliment, share a smile, or take a moment to chat. It doesn’t take a tremendous effort to remember someone’s name, remember someone’s birthday, or introduce yourself to a stranger.  It doesn’t take a heroic effort to lend a helping hand, to exercise patience, or offer to listen.  These are the moments of Good News that we can share with each other in this season of autumn.
I think it was Mother Teresa who once said: “Holiness does not consist in doing great things; but in doing little things with great love.” If we pay attention to the little things, the small kindnesses, the brief exchanges everyday we can make a difference in the lives of so many people. Watch! They will stand up straighter. They will begin walking with heads held high. Their eyes will be brighter. A few choice words will serve as a reminder that they are worth much more than they realized!  Take a moment this busy season to realize and consider those around you.  Help them stand straight.  When we do, we can claim we are truly sharing Christ’s Light here at BLC!

With you a Christian.  For you a pastor.


Fr. Powers and the Gift of Presence!

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did.  But people will never forget how you made them feel.”  I like those words. I’ve seen them attributed to Maya Angelou, H. Jackson Brown and others – still, whoever first said them, they ring true. We honor and love and remember those people who made us feel honored, and loved, and remembered. 
It is certainly true in my life.


Fr. John Powers was the pastor (and now retired pastor) of my home parish when I was growing up.  I fondly remember serving at mass for him, listening to his jokes, watching how he preached by walking around the aisles in the church, seeing how he interacted with so many people of various ages and backgrounds.  He’d come into our school classes and spend time with us at recess.  He was funny and intelligent and could make anyone laugh at his corny jokes.  He had a spiritual charisma and charm about him.  I remember thinking to myself: “

I want to be like Fr. Powers when I grow up!”

I think in fact the real reason I was drawn to him was not only because of the reasons I just mentioned but because of his ability to be present.  He was one of the first people on scene at the hospital for both my mom and dad when they were each taken to the ER at St. Margaret’s Hospital in Hammond, Indiana.  He was the one who presided and preached at my mom’s funeral mass.  He again preached words of hope and consolation at my dad’s funeral mass this past January.  Fr. Powers, or “SA” as he is affectionately known in the rectory to his closest friends, now uses a walker to get around, yet he still says mass and does his best to be present to people.  At the crisp age of 92 he still gives wonderful and though-provoking homilies and puts smiles on people’s faces.  To be honest, I don’t quite remember all of what he said at my parent’s funeral masses, but I do remember him be truly present to my grieving family. 
I think one reason I really love Fr. Powers is because of the great friendship he had with my dad.  That friendship flowered after I decided to leave the priesthood to marry Amy.  He has done nothing but support me and that included being a good support to my dad.  They’d often talk on the phone and would even help the ladies in the church office on Monday mornings count the offering from the weekend.  They joked together (well Fr. Powers would laugh at my dad’s silly and sometimes colorful jokes)!  They were present to one another.  Fr. Powers would make it a point to walk over and see Amy, Anna and myself when we went to mass with Dad.  One of my favorite images of Fr. Powers when I was a young boy was seeing him walk around the parish grounds while reading his prayer book or breviary.  While being present to the Lord, he was witnessing the importance of taking time to pray for his flock. 


Throughout his 66 years of priestly ministry (ordained May 3, 1951), Fr. Powers baptized thousands of babies and adults, witnessed thousands of couples say ‘I do,’ said over a million masses, visited countless in hospitals and nursing homes, buried thousands of parishioners and friends, and yet I don’t think he’ll be remembered for those things.  No, he will be remembered for his
presence.  He took time for people.  And in that presence with him, you met Christ.  Reflecting on Fr. Powers it suddenly occurred to me that what we value most in life is not productivity but presence; not talent but time; not genius but gentleness.  Fr. Powers is someone who continues to show me what being present is all about. Everyone remembers how he made and how he continues to make them feel.  During the rite of ordination, there is a part where all the priests come and lay hands over those candidates being ordained.  There were hundreds of priests who laid hands on me on May 21, 2005.  Yet I knew when Fr. Powers laid hands on me because he gave me a light tap with his hand on my cheek then…I knew it was him without even looking up!
I think that John Powers really understood the ministry of Jesus.  As I read the stories of Jesus I think this is what attracted people to the Lord.  Jesus never seemed to be in a hurry. He took time to speak with lepers calling to him from the side of the road. He took time to call Zacchaeus down from the tree to speak with him and eat at his house. He took time to chat with fisherman, and meet with tax collectors and listen to the pleas of Samaritan women. This is the predominant theme in the ministry of Jesus – he had time for people. And because he made them feel honored, and loved, and remembered, they in turn honored him, his followers loved him and to this day the church remembers him!

How might we be more present to people these days?  And I don’t mean Facebook, texting, snapchat, Instagram or the other means technology offers conveniences to our lives.  No, I mean by putting those things down and actually talking and actively listening to our spouse, children, friends, co-workers, fellow church parishioners, etc.  Maybe take a moment each day and ask Jesus for the courage and strength to be present in our lives to those around us.  Maybe it might be a note, a call or visit to someone who may desperately need our presence in their lives.  Paperwork and things to do will always be there…people will not.  In the end people will remember not what we did or said, but that we were there for them.

As we leave summer behind and prepare for fall with all the flurry of work and school, I’m trying to remember the lesson of one of my heroes, Fr. John Powers.  Yes, I want to be productive to be sure, but I wish even more to be really present to the people who come into my life and to my wife and two children who share my life.  I want to use my talents wisely to be the best pastor that I can be, but I wish even more to be a person who offers time to others.  And certainly I want to be a good administrator who others see as competent and intelligent, but in the end I want even more to be known as a man of gentleness and kindness.  In the final analysis what we value the most are presence, time and gentleness. I know that Fr. Powers would agree.  Thanks, Fr. Powers, for the gift of your presence to me and countless souls. 








Summer = Growing With God

Many people in this hemisphere tell time by the seasons of nature. Summer is a warm time of vacations, reunions, relaxing, and playing outside. The church year has a different way of telling time. In the liturgical calendar, time is measured by important events in the life of Jesus (like Christmas and Easter) or the church (like Pentecost). Coincidentally, the time after Pentecost up to Advent is known as “Ordinary Time.” There is also a short period of Ordinary Time after the Baptism of Our Lord in January until Ash Wednesday.  In this way, the rhythm of the liturgical seasons reflects the rhythm of life —brief anniversary celebrations and periods of intensity intermingled with longer seasons of quiet growth and maturing.

Ordinary Time is counted and ordered by the numbers of Sundays that follow Pentecost (for example, you’ll soon notice Sunday bulletins bear titles like “The 2nd Sunday after Pentecost.” In winter we count the number of Sundays after Epiphany. During Ordinary Time the church is usually decorated in green, the color of hope and growth. Think plants and trees, gardens and parks, all showing signs of maturity and fullness of life at this time. The lessons we will hear read in worship will invite us to go deep, to reach our roots down into the groundwater of our baptisms. The focus is on the life and ministry of Jesus and the church. We take this time to descend from the great mountain peaks of Easter and Christmas in order to “pasture” in the verdant meadows of tempus per annum—Ordinary Time.
How will you grow during this summer? I hope you will take some time to drink deeply of God’s good creation, whether in far off places or in your own back yard. Additionally, although Holy Moly, Bridge and Confirmation Classes take a hiatus for the summer, you are invited to nurture your faith at BLC in a variety of ways. Two guest preachers will be coming to BLC, each with a unique viewpoint about God’s work in our world and how we can grow our faith. On July 16th, retired pastor Chris Lee-Thompson will preach on mindfulness meditation.  Chris has studied and done a lot of work and ministry in the field of meditation and has led many groups through this way of praying.  Chris has even brought this ministry to the jails in the area helping those there learn about meditating and focusing on the movements of their bodies.  I listened to Chris at one of his presentations and thought our church family could benefit from hearing him!  On Sunday, August 6th, Pastor Jack Finney will be present with us to preach on praying and spiritual practices.  Jack focuses his ministry full time now on teaching people how to pray and grow in prayer.  Please make sure to be present at these special worship opportunities during this season of growing! 
If you are looking for something fun and social to do, we will be offering our 1st ever BLC Progressive Dinner on Saturday, July 22nd.  At 5:00pm we will gather at church for drinks and appetizers and then head off to different “host” homes for dinner and conversation.  The end of the evening will be capped off by making S’mores at the Bowe House.  This event is intended for all BLC adults- single and couples- and only costs $10.00.  The theme of the night is wearing your favorite sports team shirt (anything goes from Barneveld colors to the Chiefs)!  Come out and have some fun.  Sign up is in the gathering space at church. 
BLC participates in a number of community events throughout the summer—we will host the community VBS/Day Camp the week of July 10th-13th.  This is a fun faith filled week for our little ones and young kids to come and learn about Jesus by singing, playing games and enjoying the theme of God’s gift of water!   
The “Movie in the Park” night will be on Thursday, July 13th at the blue park.  A family friendly movie will be shown along with concessions being available.  All proceeds will go to Relay for Life.  What a fun event right here in town for all families! 
Speaking of community events, the “Over 55” Group will be a sponsoring a large sale for the benefit of the Food Pantry on Saturday, July 29th from 8am-3pm.  Plan on stopping by for great buys on good stuff which will help support our Community Food Pantry. 
Our health team sponsors a walking group each Tuesday at 8:30am.  We start in the church parking lot and walk the bike trail for as long as people can.  Please come out and walk with us…if that time doesn’t work for you, go out and walk when it fits your schedule!  Do something to care for your body this summer! 


So many opportunities for us to grow this summer at BLC!  What will you choose?  Pick something and grow yourself. 


Spring Showers Can Bring May Flowers

I recently had a conversation with someone who told me about the loss of her first grandchild.  The baby was a stillborn.  What really struck me though in the conversation was when she said “You know, I just took everything for granted…the pregnancy, the delivery, the birth…we all just assumed the baby was going to be born and that was that.  Conceiving, delivering, birthing is truly a miracle.”  A miracle.  That got me thinking…

 Those words were good for me to hear as Amy just nears entering the third trimester of carrying our unborn child.  At a time when we tend to think of colors and pattern schemes for nurseries, themes for baby showers, day care providers, to breast feed or not to, we maybe should be thinking of the larger picture of this event: conceiving and giving birth is a miracle not to be taken for granted.  And beyond the miracle, there are levels of complexity that unravel with the birth of any child. 

 My mother-in-law shared with me some of what that complexity might look like prior to Amy giving birth to Anna.  She cautioned me to watch out for Amy and any blue feelings she might after giving birth.  I had heard about women suffering from some form of depression or “blues” following the delivery, but never had any first-hand experience.  When Anna was born back in 2014, I was working for the commuter railroad in Chicago.  Working for the railroad has great perks, but family benefits are not among them.  I took those words to heart though of watching Amy’s mood after the birth and especially when I returned to work after two weeks off.  I began to do some reading on the subject “postpartum depression” and what I read shocked me.  A majority of women experience what is often called the “baby blues”—feelings of sadness and frustration—for about 10 days following childbirth, but these symptoms are typically short-lived.  Symptoms that last longer than two weeks can be a sign of a perinatal mood disorder like postpartum depression and anxiety.  Approximately one in seven women experience some form of  postpartum depression, a medical condition that ranges widely in severity and is marked by persistent feelings of anger, shame, irritability, guilt and an inability to bond with one’s child. The symptoms, often rooted in hormonal or chemical imbalances, can be triggered or compounded by circumstances, including socioeconomic status, prior mental health history and birthing experiences like traumatic delivery, premature birth or trouble breastfeeding. The condition can have a dramatic impact on the well-being of families, increase levels of stress in a marriage and have long-term implications for the health of a child


50% of mothers who are diagnosed with postpartum depression have depressive symptoms during pregnancy.  Symptoms are often exacerbated by hormone changes and sleep disturbances.

According to Postpartum Support International, the symptoms of postpartum depression can include:

  • Feelings of anger or irritability
  • Lack of interest in the baby
  • Appetite and sleep disturbance
  • Crying and sadness
  • Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness
  • Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in things you used to enjoy
  • Possible thoughts of harming the baby of yourself



+National Coalition of Maternal Mental Health

+The Blue Dot Project:

+Babies on the Brain:


I came across a recent story recounting someone’s experience with postpartum depression.  I share it here so you can get a sense of what happens:  For Marissa Nichols, the turning point came one night in 2011 when her husband went out to buy milk. Sitting in their apartment in Santa Clara, Calif., with her then 2-year-old daughter and infant son, she felt profoundly alone and in despair. They were feelings that had been growing since the birth of her second child and were compounded by the fact that the economic crash left her family in difficult financial circumstances. Nichols had recently quit her job to care for her children at the same time that her husband was transitioning from working as a teacher to training to become a police officer, which meant nights and weekends at the police academy.


The sole caretaker for much of the day, Nichols began to feel burned out and overwhelmed by daily tasks—trying to breastfeed her infant while also feeding a toddler or doing laundry at the coin-operated laundromat nearby. Her discouragement grew into dislike, which grew into what she describes as a “delirious, desperate hatred.” She constantly felt frenzied and then would “stop, break down, and wake up and do everything again.” She found herself taking out her anger on her husband, and the two fought often. Nichols occasionally texted her sister for support, but the days continued to engulf her.

She longed for her family life to mirror “this glorious covenant between God and his church,” with children as “this great fruit of our love.” Instead, she found herself thinking: No, I don’t want “fruit” anymore. I just want everyone to leave me alone.
“I just couldn’t bring myself to love anyone or anything,” she said. “I had nothing to rely on, and I didn’t see a point in being alive.”
Then, that night her husband left to buy milk, something in his departure triggered a reaction in Nichols.  I feel so alone in this,
she thought. She called the nonemergency number for the police and told them she was worried she would hurt herself. She was voluntarily placed in an overnight mental health facility and soon was diagnosed with postpartum depression.


American society often expects women to be all things to all people.  Marissa’s story is one of countless of what postpartum depression can do to someone.  We can all too easily overlook and forget the incredible burden that is placed upon a pregnant woman and the load she is asked to bare.  And then when the baby is born, mothers are supposed to change every diaper with a happy face and get up for that 2:00am feeding with a big smile.  There are unfair expectations put upon mothers and as a result we can miss the warning signs that they might be trying to share with us. 
A recent study found that faith communities—especially those in which there are “people who are willing to help and pastors who are willing to listen”—have helped to alleviate postpartum depression symptoms in women. Experts have suggested greater collaboration between churches and formal service providers could increase the number of women willing to seek treatment.  An informal poll of 116 women who had experienced perinatal mood disorders found that 84 percent stated they had not felt supported by their faith communities during their depression.  Despite increasing awareness of the condition, only about 20 percent of women who exhibit symptoms seek help for postpartum depression. This can be attributed, in part, to a lack of understanding of the symptoms, inadequate screening and fear of being stigmatized. Faith communities can serve as a missing link between women and mental health services. It is crucial, however, that faith communities seek out struggling mothers, as studies have shown that women who were experiencing depression were less likely to attend religious services. At a time when women might be most in need of a supportive faith community, they often are less likely to be a part of one.
Did you know that approximately 46 percent of women do not return to the workplace after childbirth?  For some this is a deliberate choice; others have no choice but to leave after facing the cost of child care, inflexible work schedules, the wage gap, lack of maternity leave or discrimination.  I think of our own community and church family where there seems to be an abundance of babies being born recently.  We’ve also unfortunately been saddened by the news of stillborns reminding us nothing should be taken for granted. 

All is miracle.  I don’t think we could ever do enough to lift up women who bare so much (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc) during pregnancy, childbirth and raising our children.  Let’s together keep an eye out for them.  Let’s hold them in prayer.  Let’s LISTEN to them and LOOK for warning signs of any depression.  Let’s share the load with them not only on Mother’s Day, but every day.  When we work together and lift each other up, the showers of pain and depression can turn into beautiful flowers.  Let’s give our moms more than odes and poems…let’s give them our attention, understanding, compassion and love.   



“This is what Yahweh asks of you- only this: to act justly, to love tenderly and to walk humbly with your God” –Micah 6:8
“A single crocus blossom ought to be enough to convince our heart that springtime, no matter how predictable, is somehow a gift, gratuitous, gratis, a grace.” – David Steindl-Rast
“All attack is a call for help. When you know this, you begin at once to look deeply into the question of what kind of help is being called for” –Neale Walsch
“Every morning I turn my face to the wind. It is not difficult to scatter seeds, but it takes courage to keep facing the wind” –Middle Eastern wisdom saying