Pastor Jim’s Blog: What We have Seen and Hearne
Patience, Discernment & Kindness
“The deeper our faith, the more doubt we must endure; the deeper our hope, the more prone we are to despair; the deeper our love, the more pain its loss will bring; these are a few of the paradoxes we must hold as human beings.” -Parker Palmer
Kenosha, Ferguson, New York, Cleveland, Charleston, Baton Rouge, St. Paul, Sacramento, Louisville and Minneapolis. These are just a few of the cities where in the last few years black people have been killed by police. These deaths have led to rioting, protests, calls for reform, athletes speaking out, boycotting of sports and organizations, heightened tensions, vigilante citizens, heated conversations about race and whether there is or isn’t racism, people defending police, and those calling for police departments to be defunded. Many have perhaps seen the horrific video of Jacob Blake in Kenosha being shot by police. And yes, there’s always more to the story. But at some point, when will all this stop or better yet when will we rise up in love to put an end to bigotry, racism and hate? It’s so much to absorb or take in. And I suspect for many of us, it’s too much or we think it’s really just not our problem or issue. Or, worse yet, we just don’t see a problem at all. Most recently, in a series of my daily Fireside chats, I suggested the possibility of one day in the future our kids, grandkids or great-grandkids coming up to us and asking us the question: “What’s hate?” Wouldn’t it be marvelously outrageous if this world had become so full of love, that hate itself became extinct? And some of you are saying, “Yeah right, PJ…nice pipedream.” Ultimately, I am reminded of Langston Hughes’ famous poem:
Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.
Patience

I love listening to Anna and Peter watch Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood (a cartoon version of Mr. Rogers). They will sing the simple songs Daniel teaches…one comes to mind: “When you feel so mad that you want to roar; take a deep breath and count to 4!” Beautiful wisdom that we often forget as adults. Even Peter will say on long road trips, “Guys, it’s hard to wait.” We all find it hard to wait. But in waiting we can find clarity, calmness and God’s direction. What would happen if we all practiced “patience” in a world that demands instant and immediate responses? As God practices tremendous patience with us, let’s try practicing it with one another and ourselves. There will be resurrection in time. Patience will help you to see your life as a marathon and not a sprint. It helps ground us in thoughtful rhetoric instead of a quick hot take which does us or no one else any good. Wait and pray. Then wait some more.
Discernment
I think the second tool patience will lead us to is discernment. Essentially discernment is the power to see what is not evident to the average mind. It stresses accuracy. It offers us the ability to read someone’s character, appreciate art, make difficult decisions besides other things.

Kindness
The third and final tool is kindness. Our patience gifts us with deliberate time to discern. These tools lead us to ask the question: what is the kindest choice to make? Kindness sows the seeds of trust, hope and love. Kindness marks us as humble. When the world is cruel and unforgiving, remain kind and honest and when we live into that kindness we will be a good representative of Jesus, who is our measuring stick as his disciples. Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. We’ve heard about doing “random acts of kindness.” How about we do intentional acts of kindness? Take care of the stranger, learn about different cultures, volunteer your time helping others, becoming a mentor, don’t yell at your spouses or kids, respecting the beautiful colors of every single person. The biblical stories of Jesus are overflowing with kindness: touching the untouchable, spending time with the outcast and rejected, showing compassion on those suffering, offering his life for others. Jesus demonstrated that if we step outside of our lives and create acts of kindness to the unsuspecting, the undeserving or the hurting, we could change the world. We could make the world a real community where love and joy flow and heal broken places. A life that is patient, discerning and kind is one that could change the world.
We are in an age and world that profits from and supports cheap digs, verbal assaults, physical attacks, hot takes, bullying, vitriol spewing, cancel culture and so much more. This is a challenging time for the human race. When people are bold enough to cry out with their pain, it is an act of noticing God to receive their cries without defensiveness. If this is challenging for us, I pray that you might adopt these practices…patience, discernment, kindness…taking a deep breath…trying to receive the experiences of others as experiences of others, rather than something to be debated. Let’s remember our humanness these days.
You and I have the opportunity, though, to swing the pendulum through the Spirit. What if we all were more patient, more discerning and more kind? Love in the end will win out. I wonder if these three tools might help us reach that world and kingdom a little more quickly. Try it. Try being more patient, more discerning and more kind in your marriages, friendships, with your kids, co-workers, neighbors, church members…and yes even try it with those on the other side of the political spectrum. Try being more understanding and compassionate with people who have different skin colors than yourself. Try being patient and kind with yourself. Ask God each day to help you be more kind, patient and discerning. These are lessons and tools we all need to be learning and re-learning. Let’s hold fast to the dream God has envisioned for this world and make it a reality!
Finding Joy in Exile

when we remembered Zion.
There on the poplars
we hung our harps,
for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” -Psalm 137:1-3

Jesus gathered people (especially around tables), but he also scattered them. Early in the Gospels, Jesus sent his newly recruited disciples out to heal and cast out demons. They didn’t have much in the way of supplies, and in two accounts, they’re sent not in pairs, but entirely alone. Start looking, and you’ll see roads all over the Bible. These solitary travelers journeyed in situations of great uncertainty, much like our own. Their destinations may have been clear, but their futures were less so. Somewhere along the way, however, they always encountered something unexpected: the astonishing presence of the sacred.’
Perhaps there’s something about being jolted away from our rituals and routines for a time that helps us see their value in new ways. No one was anticipating or planning to walk this path that we were all thrust into back in March. And I would argue it’s given us a shock of clarity. At once, we are suddenly unemployed, attempting to both parent and work full time, hesitating about this fall’s college plans, or fearful of illness. Nothing seems for certain anymore.

Dear Lord,
As the coronavirus (COVID-19) affects our world, we continue to pray.
We invite you into our hearts, Lord — hearts that have so much on them right now.
Amidst our fear, disappointment, confusion, uncertainty, grief, anger, frustration and more…
We invite you in, Lord.
We know you are bigger.
May we be given a peace and understanding of cancellations and physical distancing rules.
May we act with humility to not just preserve our own safety and health, but to look beyond ourselves and think of how our actions will affect others.
May we be alert to the ways we may help those around us, and give us the grace to step forward without hesitation to be men and women for and with others, for Your greater glory.
Come to our aid and help us, Lord.
Open our ears to hear your voice in these troubled times, may we listen and be prudent and may we draw ever closer to you. Remind us in this exile to have hope in You.
Amen.
Letter to the Next Generation
Black Lives Matter. What is it about those words that makes so many of us uneasy, nervous, or defensive? We (and when I say “we” I am referring to white people) immediately want to respond and shout “ALL LIVES MATTER.” It’s our first instinct, right? I think the accompanying picture of this little girl and her sign perfectly explains what is at stake these days. But here might be another way that gives picture to what is happening: imagine your child dying and you are giving a eulogy explaining what your own child meant to you and how special your child was, and then someone grabs the mic and says “actually all children are special…” That’s what “all lives matter” these days sounds like to our brothers and sisters of color. Black lives matter.
This is a human issue. And we as people of faith have to fight for all people, no matter race, ethnicity, gender, orientation, social class. We are all made in the image and likeness of God. Look around the world. If it’s not white against black, it’s Palestinians and Israelis, it’s civil wars in African countries of tribes fighting tribes. Racism is nothing new. And at the core it is not a skin color issue, it’s not an issue of social elitism…it’s a HUMAN issue.
Langston Hughes, the African American author, poet, social activist, novelist, playwright and columnist. He is best known as a leader of the Harlem Renaissance. He died in 1967 from complications of cancer surgery. Yet his legacy and poetry continue to be a driving force for our thoughtful reflection and action today. His poem “Harlem” alludes to these tensions rising:
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Dear Anna, Peter, “Baby Hearne,” and future grandchildren of mine-
I love you. Remember that. One day, I hope you will read this and it will make some sense. Over the past few weeks (May-June 2020), I have been imagining a better world for you.
I love to preach as a pastor. But maybe I have totally missed the mark in my preaching and teaching. And perhaps I have not prayed as hard or reflected as much as I should have in my life. I have realized once again in the light of current events I can’t imagine a better world for you if I don’t fight for a better world for people who don’t look like you. I’ve gotten a lot of things wrong in my life. This might be one of the biggest. And perhaps I have been wrong for a long time. I’m sure the rest of the family can tell you more about some of the things I have gotten wrong. But rest assured I can tell you stories about them, too. But I digress. I hope you will be able to read this and learn from some of my mistakes.
Somewhere along the way I think I began to rationalize my own racism. I believed that as long as I was friendly to people of color, voted my conscience, treated everyone respectfully, generously supported specific causes and preached about love every Sunday in church that I certainly didn’t have any racist attitudes. I grew up in a white suburb of Chicago that quickly saw “those” people moving in from the city forcing white people to move away. I saw it happen right with my own eyes. “Those” people were black. “They” were somehow different and going to make our block and community less safe and certainly bring the value of the housing down. I heard my dad speak in those terms. I heard others, too. I just listened. I didn’t say anything. I just minded my own business. I was complicit.
First, make friends with people who don’t look like you. Don’t just be friendly with people who are different than you. Do the hard work of becoming friends. Sit at a table with them. I wish I had done this more in school where it was all too easy to sit with those who looked like me, spoke like me and dressed like me. Dream with them. Share life with them. Lastly and most importantly. listen to them. If you don’t listen to people who are different than you, you will never see what you can’t see. Here’s the point. Most of us pick friends who see everything the way we do. Friends who are like you make life more comfortable. But when you have friends who see things differently, they challenge your world views in a good way. These friendships will always be harder. The problem is that, if you leave them out of your life, you will actually miss out on what makes life- magical, fascinating, and passionate. I really failed at this. Don’t make this same mistake.
So, invite yourself into their world and invite them into yours. It will create a better world because it will make you a better person. When vocabulary changes from “those people…” to “my friends,” people are changed forever. One of “those” people was a boy named Steve who lived two houses away from me growing up. He was black. My white friends and I would often play basketball in our backyards. I would see him playing by himself in his yard. My other friends would make fun of him. At first I said nothing. Then one day I asked if he wanted to play with me. He did. It started a great friendship. I didn’t care what others said. Steve was a boy like me who just wanted to play. And we did. That’s what I hope for you.
Learn the history in this country from people who don’t look like you. I studied lots of history in school especially at Loyola University and all the authors of the books I read in class were white. Diversify what you read. Get a different viewpoint. This is what I hope for you.
Talk about God with people who don’t look like you. Here are a few interesting facts: Jesus had darker skin than yours. The disciples were from the Middle East. More than likely, it was a black man helped Jesus carry His cross. The Gospel story compels us to love neighbors who don’t look like us. God is infinite. He is far too big to be understood through the filter of one race. Never make the mistake of only viewing God through the lens of people who look like you. If you do, your version of God will be extremely limited. When you see, hear, and experience faith from people who don’t look like you, God will become bigger than you ever imagined. This is my hope for you.
Take your cue from Jesus. He showed us all what it looked like to love others. Speak up for people who don’t look like you. If we stop and truly listen to others, we can love with and because of our differences. This is one of the things that makes being human great. There are so many of us and none of us is the same.
By the time you are my age, I hope it will be a much better world. I’m not naïve enough to believe hate and racist acts will not exist. But my prayer is that those behaviors will not be tolerated by most people who look like you. That’s why, I hope you will always speak up for people who don’t look like you. Not because they shouldn’t speak up for themselves, but because they shouldn’t have to speak up by themselves. The most dangerous version of racism is the kind that is quiet. Quiet racism is harder to clarify, confront and confess. And it invites hatred to continue unchecked. There is a saying I leave you with: “If you refuse to confront racism anywhere, you invite racism to thrive everywhere.” That same can be said of evil…evil must be confronted. That’s why the only way to imagine a better world for you, is to fight for a better world for people who don’t look like you.
Wherever you are, I will be with you. I’m proud of you. And I love you. Live by the words of Fred Rogers, who I loved watching on TV as a child: “What is the next kindest choice?” Then do it. This is my hope for you
Love,
So, dear friend, how might you answer the question: what will people 100 years from now thank you for? What will they wish you did differently? Perhaps take some time this summer to craft and compose your own letter to future generations. What would you say? What legacy will we leave them? How might you speak about faith, justice, mercy and love? What does happen to a dream deferred? Will it just blow up or can we actively do something now together to make our world right? I finish with the words of “We are Called,” a hymn we often sing at worship. May these words become more than just words. Let them become a way of life for us:
Come! Live in the light!
Shine with the joy and the love of the Lord!
We are called to be light for the kingdom,
to live in the freedom of the city of God!
We are called to act with justice,
we are called to love tenderly,
we are called to serve one another,
to walk humbly with God!
April Fools?

When we put in the work and fix our eyes on hope, wonderful things can happen. Hope is ALIVE!
Gratitude.
Others.
Dedication.
God is still in charge. This Easter the tomb is still empty. People are ministering and caring for each other in more intentional and profound ways than ever before. The chorus of Alleluias will be sung and echoed on tv, radio air waves and live stream throughout the world. Children will still find colored eggs and baskets in their homes and backyards and will play in the outside fresh air. The birds have returned chirping up a chorus of songs. There are signs of life all around us.
April Fools? This is no joke. It’s not the month we wanted, but maybe, just maybe, it is the time we all needed. So perhaps see this time as blessed or bonus time. Take the time to be Grateful, to think of Others and have a Dedication to be well, be safe, to grow, to do a little more around the house you hadn’t really anticipated…to spend a little more quality time with the kids which for some of us we will never have again…to actually pray at home with your family…to cherish meals together…to take walks or go for bike rides…to check in those isolated, lonely and forgotten…in other words, use this time to just be…to just be h-u-m-a-n. As we seek to physically protect ourselves, let’s be spiritually connected. Remember, G-O-D has the entire world in his hands.
Be Someone’s Piglet

I agree with Winnie the Pooh – Piglet was so right. To be present for another in the darkest moments of life is perhaps the greatest gift we could ever offer. It is certainly one of the most sacred gifts we could receive. Every time I sit and visit with a parishioner whether it be in my office, at the hospital, nursing home or their home, it is a privileged “gifted” time.
If we are honest with ourselves, as much as we might portray on social media and other means that our life is great, that each day is perfect and runs according to “plan,” many of us admittedly have difficult days. We might have had a difficult day at work, at home, with a co-worker, with our spouse or kids, with a fellow church parishioner, with a neighbor or friend. Maybe nothing went right that particular day. Maybe these just past holidays weren’t so jolly because of the absence of a loved one or friend. Winter in the northern hemisphere with weather teetering on cold, somewhat gray (although we have evaded the snow) can be a time many people experience depression, great anxiety and difficultly. We can have and do have difficult days.
I find that as a pastor when I get those incredible brief sacred moments of love and support I get to offer someone and there are no words, no real actions, no magic formula that I use with them- that’s a holy encounter with the Spirit. Simply said, it’s just the gift of presence. To sit with someone sobbing and hurting in grief is sacred. To listen to someone who is facing incurable illness or diagnosis is holy. To bring Holy Communion and prayer to someone at the hospital, nursing home or home is gift itself. Just showing up itself to be with another person is real gift, the presence of Christ, in our world.
1. Don’t resist “difficult days.” They will come and happen. It’s a reminder we do not have much control over external situations. Accept what you cannot change.

What Would Be the Kindest Choice?

- I need to give my direct report feedback or criticism about their behavior.
- My children are misbehaving at school or home.
- The business strategy we’ve chosen isn’t working out.
- A new family has moved into our neighborhood.
- Someone made a post or tweet critical of me or something I believe in.

Make a Difference

Pray, Lament, Groan
The recent news and photos coming from the detention centers on our border with Mexico have been harrowing to say the least. Just last week an immigrant and his nearly two-year-old daughter drowned trying to cross the border caused a stir among some- that little arm around the neck of her father, hanging on as they drowned in the Rio Grande. These are human beings; a dad and his child, a family. We barely have time to process the emotion before we read about sick, hungry, migrant children who are at risk in detention centers. Children? And reports of children combing lice out of each other’s hair?


There are no easy answers. But there is a way for us to at least respond with a kind and prayerful heart.
Pray.
Lament.
Groan.
~P.J.
God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle



It’s OKAY not to be OKAY
“Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”

Here might be some things to do when grieving:
- Face your feelings.
- Express your feelings in a creative or tangible way.
- Try to maintain hobbies and interests.
- Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either.
- Plan ahead for grief “triggers.”
- Look after your health. See a doctor.
- Find a faith community that will help with the highs and lows of the roller coaster grief ride.

https://www.uwhealth.org/organ-donation/resources-for-grieving-adults/26169 https://www.griefshare.org/ http://www.hellogrief.org/resources/wisconsin/ https://childrengrieve.org/about-us https://www.agrace.org/grief-support/
As I reflect on my grief, which I see as a gift from God, I really am grateful for the love and support of Amy, Anna, Peter, my family, friends and church family. It was dad who helped become a bedrock for me when my mom died. We had each other. I thank Amy who helped carry me giving a listening ear and shoulder to lean on when my dad died. It is OK to grieve, talk, cry, be happy, and live a full life, even with our grief. Our loved ones want us to live. Don’t shy away or run from your grief; rather, lean into your grief. It’s okay not to be okay.