I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly God was speaking.
“My name is I am.”
I waited. God continued,
“When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not ‘I was.’
When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not ‘I will be.’
When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here.
My name is ‘I am.’
You may be wondering why I am citing this beautiful poem to talk about hearing God’s voice. I suspect many of us don’t even know if we are hearing God’s voice because we have so many ‘voices’ seeking our attention. Whether it’s work, family, school…we all have those things and people competing for our attention and time. We seek out Google to answer daunting questions of life rather than sit and ask God. It’s the pace of the world- how fast, how high, how much, how efficient can we be when it comes to living our life. Many of us are stuck in the past while some of us are already in gear for tomorrow. But what about now? What about today? God is about this place here, in all its thisness, and placiness, and about the intimate and immediately Holy One who, at no distance from us at all, moves mysteriously to make creation true both to itself and to him. God is about now…God’s voice is now. And that voice wants to wrestle with us…remember the story of Jacob classic Old Testament story?
And there was another voice in my heart…God’s voice was always there not judging or pushing but rather shepherding and holding me. I had to quiet myself down. We often think of prayer has us talking with God. And that’s partly true. But the most important aspect of prayer is quieting ourselves down and listening to the voice of God. And I did. I opened my bible. I lit candles. I got quiet. I went for walks. I sat in a darkened church. I was never alone, though. God’s voice was always with me. It took time to prayerfully consider how God was moving and acting in all of these feelings I was having. I was wrestling with the God I had been faithfully serving as a priest for some 6 years at that point. Why me? Why this? Why now? Didn’t God want me to be a priest? Had I gotten that wrong? Were these just romantic feelings I was having for Amy? Was I lonely? What would this mean for me? For her? If I wasn’t a priest, what would I do? These were all the questions I wrestled the great “I Am” about.
The best part of hearing God’s voice is eliminating all the counterfeit voices vying for our attention. Live in the moment and hear God’s voice. You will find and know joy. Go be a God-Wrestler! Jacob’s hip was thrown out of its place because of his wrestling with God. Like Jacob, you too will be left with an unforgettable and deep impression made by God’s voice on your life. When you check your receiver, tune into the frequency, wrestle with God’s voice and connect it to the Word, you will experience a life-changing event. And it will be more than just an event; it will become a lifestyle for you. Sheep know the voice of their shepherd. Let’s tune into the voice of our Shepherd. The voices of this world come and go…the voice of the great “I Am” stays with us forever. And hey, like me, you might just be surprised what God has in store for you!
At a recent Sunday worship I answered 5 questions that Amy and some others thought would be interesting to hear my response. I did not know the questions ahead of time. I was only given 1 minute to respond to each question. To refresh your memory, the questions were:
5)BRING your kids to worship to hear about Jesus.
Every day we have the choice to throw ourselves into a thousand activities and distractions, play and work, travels and preparations, or we can find the time to simply BE with those we love as they are right now. We have the choice to lose ourselves in all stuff that we accumulate and all the things that we can buy, or we can begin to see that our real wealth is found in those we love – and love them as they are right now. We have the choice to get caught up with the details of life and the busy-ness of life, or we can center on our deepest desire – to love others as they are right now! Loving means being fully present to others wherever they are in their development, even if they are teenagers and needing space. We need to be open to the moments, the little moments of connecting. It means cherishing and remembering and embracing those grace-filled moments. Loving means desiring the right things, and longing for the enduring things, and wishing for the eternal things. When I pray with someone on their death bed, not one person has ever said they wish they would have more time with all their stuff, work, phones, sports…it ALWAYS is about having more time with their loved ones.
The next time I’m overwhelmed by the details of life, or exasperated with work as pastor, or frustrated with two young children seemingly getting sick all the time or rarely ever sleeping through the entire night at the same time, I hope I recall Anna’s sweet young voice whispering in my ear: Daddy, I’m so happy you are home! My deepest desire is to be with those I love and to try and love them as they are right now. In doing that I will find more moments to cherish and so many more memories to embrace. And who knows? Maybe that little girl will always be inside of Anna through the tween and teen years and beyond. I’d like to at least think that.
I didn’t see it. None of us did. Or maybe none of us wanted to see it. But before I get to that part of the story, let me go back to the beginning. As a little girl growing up the only thing Margie ever wanted to do was to be a mom. She constantly played with her dolls pretending as if they were her own little children caring for them and tending to their needs. She would pray to God that she could be a mom one day. When Margie’s folks had more children she was thrilled beyond all belief at the prospect of taking care of real live babies! She was ecstatic about being a sister which only fueled her desire to be a mom.
Margie would date several guys through the years but finally met and fell in love with Fran. He had grown up in the same town- they shared many of the same friends and hung out at the same places. In fact Fran as a little boy played baseball with Margie’s two brothers. Fran and Margie dated for many years and finally decided to get married in 1995. It was a joyful occasion.
I wish I would have known. I could have done something. Someone could have done something. Why didn’t she say anything? No one deserves that. No one. I wonder how many others experience the same thing?
My sister Margie got her one true wish of being a mommy. She gave birth to Colette in 1996. Then came Claire in 1999. Erica in 2001. Nora in 2002. Finally Grace in 2004. Not one but 5 girls to fill her heart and plate of motherhood! After Colette was born Margie and Fran would move to a bigger house to settle down and build their dream of family life and happily ever after. But the happily ever after never came like she thought it would.
Why didn’t I sense what was going on? Was I blinded? Was I in disbelief? And what about others in my family? Were they blind to it, too? Was she blind to it?
At first it seemed innocent, harmless and believable. Our family would gather for a birthday or some other holiday/celebration and Margie would come with the girls while Fran wouldn’t be with them. “Where’s Fran,” I remember asking. “Oh he’s home resting…he had a late night.” Late night out with friends? Late night doing working? Late night not being able to sleep? Well these instances of Fran being “out late” soon turned into a regular repeating performance. We knew he liked to drink. On family vacations at the lake he could put away several cold ones with the best of them. I knew he liked his drink. I didn’t realize he loved it…or better yet was addicted to it.
Let me stop for a moment. I suppose you think you know where this story is going. Fran was a drinker and chose alcohol over his wife and family, right? Well, you’re only partly right. Not only was Fran a drinker, but over time and really after-the-fact did we come to find out he liked to smoke marijuana in the garage and get high. So, he like booze and drugs. And yet this still is not the end of the story. Fran would abuse Margie and the girls. And that is the part of the story still to this day that makes me cringe, hurt and cry. My family didn’t see it. I didn’t see it. Partly I think because we couldn’t see it and also because Margie hid it from us while it was occurring.
Margie loved her girls so much she ended up making excuses for Fran. She covered for his late-night partying, his drinking, his smoking and yes even his abuse towards her and the girls. In the beginning she’d call his bosses and cover for him at work. “He was just having a bad day,” she would say. “The girls got on his nerve so he raised his voice and threw things across the room. Who doesn’t lose their cool,” she would slyly offer us.
Did you know, on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States? During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide. Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime. And only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries. 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence. These statistics and numbers are sobering. They make me cry. I cry at the fact that Fran pushed Margie into walls, smashed the oven door, put holes in walls with his fists and at times did so in front of the girls. I cry because he verbally abused the girls for no reason other for the fact that he could. I cry because those girls saw something so horrendous in their own home and I know as much as we love and support them the after-effects of his abuse of them is deep in their bones and psyche.
Why does any of this matter? Intimate partner physical abuse is not bound by age, socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion or nationality; it exists in ALL communities. Contrary to popular belief, physical abuse is not simply a maladjusted person’s occasional expression of frustration or anger, nor is it typically an isolated incident. Physical abuse is a tool of control and oppression and is a choice made by one person in a relationship to control another. Statistics tell us that it happens right here in our own community among people we call neighbors and friends.
Realizing this fact of life the women’s washroom here at BLC has information from Family Advocates, Inc. with a number for a 24 hour help line. It is a sad reality for me as a pastor that on any given Sunday there are people at worship who have been abused- physically, verbally, sexually, or emotionally either in the past or as recently as that morning.
Again, the stats are sobering…it’s happening all around us. And when someone is abused at a young age experts tell us they have strong tendencies to physically or verbally abuse when they are older or experience some type of depression or suicidal thoughts. Yet there is help. There are ways to save yourself and your children. If someone is abusing you, you might feel scared, hurt, sad, confused, angry, embarrassed, or hopeless. Many people have feelings like these when they are being abused or after leaving an abusive relationship. My sister had some of these feelings have we’ve come to understand in the years since it all happened. Help is always available. Talk with someone you trust or call your local domestic/sexual abuse hotline and talk with someone without having to give your name or location. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-799-7233. Our local branch here in Wisconsin is also a resource. The number us (608)-255-0539 and the website is endabusewi.org. Sadly, most abusers track the moves of those under their control. All of these websites have safety exits on them and will not show up in your internet browsing history.
You may also want to consider a SAFETY PLAN for yourself or your family. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. Safety planning involves how to cope with emotions, tell friends and family about the abuse, take legal action and more. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) does safety plans with victims, friends and family members — anyone who is concerned about their own safety or the safety of someone else. A good safety plan will have all of the vital information you need and be tailored to your unique situation, and will help walk you through different scenarios. Although some of the things that you outline in your safety plan may seem obvious, it’s important to remember that in moments of crisis your brain doesn’t function the same way as when you are calm. When adrenaline is pumping through your veins it can be hard to think clearly or make logical decisions about your safety. Having a safety plan laid out in advance can help you to protect yourself in those stressful moments.
Violence can escalate when someone tries to leave. The following are some tips to keep in mind before you leave a violent abusive situation:
I share this information with you because NO ONE should ever ever ever experience abuse of any kind.
To her credit, Margie has never spoken ill of Fran in front of her girls. For me, that’s my sister living out what we call grace upon grace upon grace. She survived. Many don’t. You can survive. Maybe you’re not the one in an abusive situation but you might know someone who may be. BELIEVE their story. LISTEN to them. HELP them. Let’s be lifelines to those around us who may be sending SOS signals our way.
There are so many resources available to those who may find themselves in abusive situations. One I highly encourage is www.thehotline.org/. Maybe we just need to better educate ourselves on the reality of what is happening…and what could be happening right in our own community, neighborhood, family or home. Maybe we can help be resources to others who might be too frightened or ashamed to ask for help. Let’s be a light for them. God hurts when we hurt each other.
I love my beautiful sister Margie and my five incredible nieces. They have seen, heard, felt and experienced things no one should ever have to in this world. Luckily for them the sun has risen and they have forged ahead as best they can. For all the Margie’s, Colette’s, Claire’s, Erica’s, Nora’s and Grace’s out there, please let’s be the voice for those victims and survivors. Let’s create a culture where domestic violence is not tolerated and where society empowers victims and survivors, and holds abusers accountable. Let’s be Christ’s Light in this world. Amen.
In Brooklyn, New York, Shush is a school that caters to learning disabled children. Some children remain in Shush for their entire school career, while others can be mainstreamed into conventional schools. At a Shush fundraising dinner, the father of a Shush child delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attend.
After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he cried out, “Where is the perfection in my son Shaya?” Everything God does is done with perfection. But my child cannot understand things as other children do. My child cannot remember facts and figures as other children do. Where is God’s perfection? The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father’s anguish and stilled by the piercing query. “I believe,” the father answered, “that when God brings a child like this into the world, the perfection that he seeks is the way people react to this child.”
Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, let alone hit with it. However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shaya should least be able to make contact. The first pitch came in and Shaya swung and missed. One of Shaya’s teammates came up to Shaya and together held the bat and faced the pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shaya.
As the pitch came in, Shaya and his teammate swung at the bat and together they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, “Shaya, run to first. Run to first.” Never in his life has Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shaya, who was still running. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher’s intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman’s head. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second.” Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home.
As Shaya reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, “Run to third.” As Shaya rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, “Shaya, run home.” Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him a hero, as he just hit a “Grand Slam” and won the game for his team.
“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “those 18 boys reached their level of God’s perfection.” More than just a cute story, I think this is what we are called as disciples to be everyday: rooting for one another everyday, making our dreams possible and realizing we are all connected together through the incredible act of God’s creation.
Our Lenten journey is near upon us. Our theme or focus will be: Woven Together: Fabrics of Faith. Maybe this powerful season which begins Wednesday, February 14th and extends until Maundy Thursday on March 29th is a time given to us to help us reflect that God’s perfection in this world is attainable and reachable by ALL OF US if we but lean on each other and lift one another up. The question of Shaya “Do you think they will let me play” reminds me of the response I am called to by God in this world to others. Do I help enable God’s perfection or prevent it from happening? How will this Lent challenge you to consider that we truly do need each other and that we can reflect God’s goodness and perfection in our response to one another?
There is no better place to know, see, hear and feel God’s perfection than when we are together in worship. Recommit yourself to coming to the place where we lift each other and reflect the perfection of God. For a brief moment when we worship together, we do really reflect all that is good and holy. Like the boys who welcomed Shaya to the baseball game and enabled him to know perfection, we too are invited to give and receive this colorful display of God’s love. Come. Come back. Sunday mornings at 9:00am something special happens that we all need in our lives. And during Lent we will offer a simple worship on Wednesdays at 6:15pm following our soup suppers. So come. And then come back. Lastly, think about ONE person in your life who desperately needs to know God’s perfection and then do something about it.
Let’s reach our level of God’s perfection together,
~PJ
Just recently while organizing some things in my office I came across a book of poetry. There was a note inside of it saying that the book was a gift from the Bishop of South Central Synod of Wisconsin. I suspect the Bishop sent it to all our synod pastors. It is a wonderful reflection on ministry by a Lutheran Pastor Gary Puckett entitled On Living in the Township of Heaven. Well written, often touching, sometimes profound, Gary writes about the ‘holy’ moments of life, the kingdom of God that can be found within the ordinary. As we begin this new year, that is our journey as well.
New Year
Put new calendars on the walls
Misdate the checks that pay the bills
Resolve to be more resolute
It’s a new year
It’s a fresh start
Farm out the kids
Shake out the rugs
Take out the trash
It’s a clean house
It’s a fresh start
Dig out the sidewalk
Fill up the birdfeeder
Watch for fresh tracks in the yard
It’s a new snow
It’s a fresh start
Shed an old grudge
Make a new friend
Do something everyone knows you won’t
It’s a new life
It’s a fresh start.
Every January as we celebrate the New Year, there is an echo of the reign of God. And, if we listen well, we will discover that echo in all of the ordinary moments that make up our lives. If we listen well, that echo will be found in even the most broken, destructive and difficult times of this new year. If we listen well, we will discover that we are living in the township of heaven, that God is walking with us and beside us, always encouraging us to forgive ourselves and others; to turn away from sin and believe in the Good News; to stand up and walk; to live a new life; to make a fresh start. This is truly Good News! For all of us here at BLC and for all Christians, every day carries the promise of New Year’s Day. Remember this when you become overwhelmed by the darkness of the world. Remember this when you are disappointed by your life, your children, your spouse or your situation. Remember this when death is at your doorstep and darkness threatens to overwhelm you. Remember this, in the township of heaven God is always inviting us to start again!
I invite you to cut out the poem and place it somewhere you will be reminded daily of the invitation that each day is a NEW YEAR and FRESH START!
Happy New Year, dear BLC friends and friends,
~PJ